i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
