Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
