Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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