I accidentally had phone sex last night
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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