I want you more than these girls want KFC
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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