i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
