Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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