Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
