i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
