ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
