He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
