Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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