is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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