Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
