i already hear my dad disowning me
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
