u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
