I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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