U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
