so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
organizing the empties. That sober.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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