You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
