My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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