im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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