Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
