SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
