the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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