Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
