does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
