did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
