I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
