i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
