just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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