its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
