He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
