If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
