I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
