Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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