the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
