i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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