I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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