Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
