I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
this beer tastes like vomit already
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
