i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
