i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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