you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
