My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
