Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just tell him i said nine months
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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