We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
