I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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