I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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