Got a toothbrush?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
