Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
