i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
