How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
